Pluto and IPL

I had just got home and settled down to watch an IPL match, when Pluto quietly snuggled under my leg and started to lick my feet. I gave a loud sigh for I knew what was coming. Sure enough a minute later, he got up, plonked his paws on my knees, and said ‘ What about teaching me IPL Cricket?’.

I was relieved. This was easy. ‘It’s called 20—20 cricket. Each team has 20 overs….’.

Pluto barked, irritated.’I know that. I watch more of IPL cricket than you do’ ‘I meant the practice and training.’ ‘Well you have to forget classical cricket. The main shot is the swipe. Anything and everything, you swipe. Just for variety you hit straight and occasionally loft with all you have.’ Pluto barked again.’’You are missing the real thing. Teach me how to edge and mishit. After all , most runs are scored of those shots’.

‘Pluto, you can’t be taught those shots. They just happen!!!’, I screamed.

‘It just happens?’. Pluto looked at me incredulously.’Then why do the batsmen brandish their bats, knock gloves with their partners and smile at the TV camera as if they’ve played a great shot ?’. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘ That’s just to rub salt in the bowler’s wounds.’

Pluto digested that after a lot of chewing on a chicken stick.’ Why are the bowlers all crap—being hit for 4s and 6s?’, he asked. ‘The batsmen just sees the ball and swings the bat.That is why bowlers rely on variations of pace so much. Some of the batsmen are exceptional sighters of the ball and are strong and time the ball.’

Pluto was persistent.’Why do they miss so many catches?’ .I sighed. Most of the catches missed are high ones. The ball swerves in the air and is lost in the background’. ‘I would have caught them,’ Pluto boasted,’ Would they have given Rs 25000 to The Pug Welfare Fund?’. ‘Probably,’ I said, ‘But you needed to talk to Lalit Modi first.’

Pluto’s eyes gleamed. I was now getting the direction of his thinking and was getting apprehensive. Explaining cricket to a pug was okay. But explaining Lalit Modi?? Sure enough, Pluto started firing.

‘Why does Modi speak so fast?’, he queried.

‘Well, he has a lot to say,’I said weakly. Pluto gave me a knowing smile and said,’ He has to finish speaking between his tweets!!!’. I conceded that with a silence, hoping he would shut up now.Pluto wandered away, but sure enough, he wandered back, his puggy brain working furiously. I braced myself.

‘Why does Lalit Modi love spas?’, he asked, shaking himself. ‘He has a high tension job. He has to relax, you know’, I said. Pluto grinned. ‘Keep his eyes focussed, you mean,’ and he dragged out the following photograph!!!

‘What is sweat equity?’, he asked,twitching his puggy nose. I knew that I was done for.’Well, actually, that is when persons employ someone whom they cannot pay now. That person works, and gets a share of the profit later.’ Pluto was ecstatic.’That’s exactly the way I work’, he said.’You know Jacqueline of the next house. She is my girl friend. I give her the choicest tit bits, and she reciprocates.  It’s actually –HIS sweat—Her equity !!!’

 

Having explained everything puglogically, Pluto dozed off. Before sleeping, he kept on muttering, ‘Lalit Modi—I want to know about the haveli and the spa….’.

Lalit Modi—beware!!!!