Pluto and I

Indian cricket players

refuse to sign WADA

drug testing papers!!!!

                           

Pluto is our pug. Blessed with a sniffy pug nose, upturned tail and frequent shaking of his fawn body, he surprised us one day by his understanding of English and ability to speak in that language. Having got his audience (i.e.me ), he forced me to listen to him by his persistent barking.Having watched him lap up the Breaking News on TV, I was apprehensive that he would start a conversation with me about the future of  Indian Cricket. Sure enough on the evening before, he suddenly snuggled up at my feet (a sure sign he wants to talk).

His question was breathtaking. "How, "he asked, "Is it possible for me  to get  a drug test now?". I was aghast. "Drug test? But you don't take any drugs. Except for the ones I give you when you are sick." Pluto got up on his feet and looked disdainfully at me. "I know that," he said."But I want to get tested by WADA".

"Look, Pluto, that is only meant for sportspersons. That is, non-Indian cricketers and other lowly sportspersons," I said. Pluto's eyes glinted."That is exactly why," he  chortled. " I appear in dog shows. I stand for hours on the field, and in the pavilion. International judges come and poke me at odd places. But they don't test me for drugs. You know ,I could possibly win somewhere, if you drugged me and enhanced my performance."

"But, Pluto," I explained," There is no credit in winning with drugs. It is unethical and you are taking unfair advantage. Pluto looked astonished."I can understand with my little doggy brain, that the key issue here is not taking drugs, but being careful that you are not caught."

I was now getting hot under my collar." Pluto!!" I thundered."If you take a performance enhancing drug, and you hit a century, or score 3 goals, or win a dog show for that matter, you will be the first person to be called upon to take a drug test--and you will be CAUGHT...". Pluto can be most irritating when he shakes himself and gives you a victorious look. He did that, and stated triumphantly, " That is why you should take the drug months before, so that you get your improved physical attributes well before the matches---and when they test you they find no trace of the drug!!!".

I was tired. "Look Pluto, WADA persons are not fools. They examine you in off season as well. They can make surprise checks. They will catch you," I stated. Pluto smiled. "That is why I will oppose checks in the off season. I will delete that cause. I will get my Doggy Association to refuse to go under the bushes and to do it on the doorsteps. I am sure, then they will listen..."

"But Pluto, "I said," You surely can't imagine cricketers like Dhoni, Yuvraaj, Harbhajan  taking drugs???".

Pluto this time walked towards me shaking his puggy head in amazement at my ignorance. " Of course not. But who has opposed this Wada tests? Only the bachelors!!! Has Sehwag, Sachin, Dravid said anything? Look at me. I spend quality time with Coco in the next building and Reshmi  in the flat below and others, and I would be annoyed if I had to go the bathroom to give a urine test. So that is why I want a drug test when I want to and where I want to. So, I want to test now, when I am free and not in the middle of......."

I conceded defeat and sat down on the easy chair and looked at the setting sun.

Pluto then consoled me as he licked my hands. "Don't worry, someday you may just get to be as intelligent as me!!!!!!," he murmured, before curling down for his siesta.